A Year from Now.......

On Thursday I found out that the school where I have worked this past year will not be renewing my contract for the next year, so I am out of a job for next year.... There were no bitter feelings, the cooperating principal and cooperating teacher thought that I would work better with the primary grades (1-3) rather than the 4-6 graders I have been working with this year, and the school is not hiring for the 1-3 assistants next year. So that is the short version of how I came to be out of a job.....

It has been an intense past few 72 hours, as you can imagine. There moments where I honestly felt depressed, moments of smiles, hope, stress, etc. A big thanks to all the love and support I had the past few days- Marchelle, Adrien, Matt, Debo, Jess and Katie, Mom and Dad. Thanks to each of you individually for being there for me!!! I have definitely not been alone, and have felt loved from the other side as well!

I have learned a LOT the past few days, but I want to share an especially powerful lesson... In any bump in the road there is often a crucial mourning/grieving period, which I had, naturally. But in one of the happier moments I realized that I could stop and lick my wounds (and I had them believe me!) but that time would not stop for me.

I remembered back to last fall when I had started grad school and working, and how grateful that I had not let myself overly dwell on the student teaching ending so abruptly, but had made the choice to move on. Again, lots of gratitude! I remember how pleased I felt with myself with the events that had taken place after a major bump in the road!!!

I started to think on the question, "How do I want to feel a year from now?" At the moment, I just wanted to feel bad, but deep down I knew that a year from now I wanted to reflect on how blessed I had been and how far I had come... I knew that I hadn't reached a "stopping point"

The only thing that can keep you from moving forward is yourself!!! (And I mean that for me as much as anyone!!!)

Birdseed and Wisdom

You are probably how birdseed and wisdom go together!!! Well, read on and I'll tell you....

It all started when I was reading in Alma 18:22, when Ammon is described as being "wise yet, harmless." It surprised me at first to see wise and harmless in the same sentence yet it is such a true statement! Wisdom has an amazing power to enlighten us, bring us peace, feel joy, and help others along the path of life. Yet if we choose to let it, wisdom can also bring us harm. If we focus too much on what "we" know and shut ourselves off to new experiences or stop being receptive we are at a loss. For example, if we chose to ignore the counsel of the prophet, and follow instead our own wisdom, we are no longer in a safe place. We put ourselves in harms way. Nor am I immune to any of these habits....

That being said, here's something I learned this past, and surprisingly enough, it has to do with birdseed!!! My parents and I went to see the play "The Curious Savage" which tells the story of a lady who wants to use her husband's inheritance to start a foundation for people to live out their foolish dreams. However, her 3 adult greedy stepchildren want the money for themselves, so they place her in an institution, where she meets charming characters, who know how to live life finding joy in each moment.

My favorite part of the play was the line where they are discussing the daily "Garden Hour" and a lady shares the time she planted birdseed and says, "Nothing came up, but it was a rich horticultural experience!" What I learned from that- take time in life to live out foolish dreams and experiences. Learn all you can just for the satisfaction, play with a child just because you can, do something harmless, yet fun just because you enjoy it! For me, finger painting with chocolate pudding is my equivalent of planting birdseed...

Live, Love, Laugh and Learn every day!!!!

"C" is for Chimpmunk Cheek and Crooked Smile!!!!

Here is a picture of me yesterday, home just after my root canal was complete. I'm giving you my best smile, but as you can tell it looks a bit.... crooked! And that's OK- it complements my chipmunk cheek! Seriously, if you can't laugh at yourself.....

The best way I can describe having a root canal done is that I imagine it's what a "Bride of Frankenstein" might have felt like. You're laying down in this chair, bright light shining down on you, masked people staring at you, metal tools sticking out of your moth, more going in!
Overall, it wasn't painful, though my jaw was propped open for a 1/2 hr and I couldn't swallow- it could have been worse.

Actually, I was so worn out from a full day of class and then laying down in this chair with my eyes closed, listening to music that I almost feel asleep. I suppose that's why I was making sounds and the dentist asked if we was hurting me- but how are you supposed to answer when your mouth is propped open. I tried to pantomime "sleep"- don't know whether or not I was successful!!!!

After I got home, Marchelle picked me up for FHE and I confess, I had a lot of fun casually telling people, "What's new?" Me: "Oh, I just had a root canal done today- but I'm fine." Talk about a conversation starter! Marchelle thought my smile was "cute" (now that's a true friend!) and every time she saw me smile at someone, we'd both start to chuckle, for how my smile looked!

What an experience! Enjoy some good chuckles at my expense! I don't mind a bit!

Who Wants Brunch????

Friday afternoon as I was talking to Marchelle, we came up with the idea of having a Sunday brunch and inviting sisters who were less active or new in the ward. Planning and preparing was a lot of fun; Marchelle was even brave enough to go grocery shopping with me. (I have habit of getting distracted and walking away from the cart.... Thanks, Marce!)

Mom even helped out; letting me pick flowers from the garden for a centerpiece, because what is a brunch without a flower centerpiece??? She also helped out in making the crepes, since I slept through my alarm an extra hour. (That rarely happens, seriously, and if you know me well, I think you would agree.) But thanks Mom!

I made muffins but forget to add the baking soda = muffins don't rise = very dense muffins! I just told everyone they were "packed with love" and they were! We also had fruits, nutella, whipped topping. It was so fun to gather with sisters in the ward and do something other than dinner, movie, etc. As far as I know, a good time was had by all!

I look forward to future brunches with more love packed muffins!

Our Trials, our Privileges

Something I have been thinking about lately....
They say that "bad things happen in 3's" Here is my recent example of that.... While I was still in Taiwan I cracked a tooth (I have avoided popcorn balls ever since!), when I came back to UT I needed a crown (another expense) and yesterday morning I woke up with a puffy right cheek. I made an emergency with the dentist and I now need a root canal!!!! Aren't you jealous???

It turns out that a nerve in a tooth died and so it found another path, into my cheek. Hence the puffy cheek. And while I am so grateful that it was not any worse, or any more expensive, it does cut into my money I am (trying to) save for tuition. However, I am not writing this to generate sympathy. I am OK with a root canal (the thought of another tooth problem makes me chuckle actually) and I want to share what I have learned. Plus, I lived a good 20+ years with no sprains, breaks or stitches so I really can't complain......

The first time I remember thinking of a trial as a privilege was when my Grandma Litster died while I was still in Taiwan, and I wasn't able to make it home. I knew that it would not be easy, but I knew that God had entrusted me with that trial, had allowed it to happen because he knew that I could make it through and be better for it. I am not necessarily an avid believer in the idea that "everything happens for a reason" but I do know that there is more to life than "just enduring a trial." It is part of a process in us allowing God to help us become who we ultimately want to be.

Such it is now with the medical expenses have come up. It was not what I would have chosen for myself, but as a handcart pioneer said, " The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay"

A lesson worth learning, wouldn't you say?

Library Happenings

Since kindergarten I have loved libraries. School, public, (are there any other kinds ?) etc. As young as first grade I remember wishing that library time was longer, as I would rather read than just about anything else during the school day. During the older grades, there was a mad dash to get the latest Baby-sitter's club book- if it was a new book, hardbound, you were a lucky girl!

I have many happy memories of my cousin Marchelle and I riding our bikes to the library, either on our own bikes, or riding double on her banana seat bike. Classic form of transportation! Then there was the time that I borrowed my Aunt Paula's library card and 3 weeks later still hadn't returned the book or had any idea where it was. Oops! While at BYU, when I wanted to relax I would go to the Provo library and read childhood favorite books. Some were classics and old favorites, others were that just required less thinking- (what I was going for) like Sweet Valley Twins, and some caused me to ponder questions- will Nancy Drew and Ned Nickerson ever tie the knot????

But lately I have another reason for loving the library- it's a great place to meet people, especially old friends! Well, as long as I go with Debo. She seems to be my lucky charm. I only run into people I know when I am with her.
The past three times with Debo at the library, I have run (gently) into three different people, all of which I have not seen for 7-10 years, who have moved away, but somehow ended up in Midvale and at the library. What a thrill!!! It's great to catch up and get answers to the "I wonder if...." questions.

And, according to the latest Nancy Drew, she is still a single woman. Oh, well!


Yeah for Libraries!!!!

3 Songs that describe me

So, I don't think there are adequate words to describe what it feels like to leave after a 4 1/2 hr "Research Design" class.... Feelings that are somewhere between tiredness, feeling brain squished, and hopefulness that I learned enough! At any rate, I was riding home on Trax, listening to songs and thinking about blogging when I thought, "Hey! I'll write about favorite songs that describe me!" Thus, the following post was born.... Perhaps I was stuck on thinking about myself, but I did enjoy creating this! It's no surprise that I have plenty to say!

"Defying Gravity" from the musical "Wicked"
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!

This song makes me think of my determination streak. I admit I take pleasure in surprising expectations! An experience that comes to mind is the unfortunate circumstances that led me to withdraw from BYU before I could finish student teaching and thus earn my teaching license. But now I am back in school, back in education, with love, support and help from above. You never know unless you try!

"My Little Girl" by Tim McGraw
You beautiful baby from the outside in.
Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again.
Go on, take on this whole world.
But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl.

I am the baby of the family, youngest of six girls and a brother. However, this "baby" has also been to Taiwan for a year and is the first Litster daughter to enroll in grad school. I have been blessed to "stretch myself" for sure. But this girl also takes great pleasure in every smile she gets from her dad and waits for the hug and kiss from mom at bedtime. Somethings you just never grow too old for....

"Vienna" by Billy Joel
Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right

It's no secret that I am a recovering perfectionist. It's sometimes much easier for me to see the good in others and then be too hard on myself. I have a such a strong desire to be better and conscientious that it can sometimes get in the way. Thankfully, with some life lessons and "defining moments" I feel much more at peace and comfortable in my own skin. Looking for, as the song says, those moments when "you're doing fine."

Worth Remembering

Here are a few more moments worth remembering from the NM trip:

• The rush of going down the water slides at the Aquatics Center. We even got Mom/Grandma to go down!
• Hearing my mom play her violin for sacrament meeting with Deborah accompanying her
• Hearing my sister Cristine sing- I just closed my eyes, smiled, and listened
• Hearing Braedyn tell me about how he saved up to buy his Lego set- I was really proud of him!
• Sleeping in in the morning
• Carter running in the house saying, "There's a meteor falling from the sky!  I think."

• Again- the red dress!!!! (See previous weekend post) This time it was Debo that had the nearly identical dress. I had a spare, so I changed. However, prior to the actual change, Debo had been trying on my spare dress and so Ashley assumed my dress was her mom's. Ashley was a bit distressed when she later saw me wearing what she thought was her mom's dress! Follow???? Maybe you had to be there for that one....
  
• Reverting to my childhood and sleeping in a bunkbed

• Watching Lauren read a story to Ashley- a sweet moment!
• Seeing the kids excited over who got to say the prayer
• The fact that we were delayed (15-20 minutes) leaving NM due to the car keys being lost. We found them on a third sweep through Mom's purse. A good memory in the end!

Moments to Remember

Here are some of my favorite moments from my trip to Bloomfield, New Mexico

• A couple weeks prior to the trip, Carter told his friends he was going on a trip. Only problem- he couldn't remember where he was going! He told people he was going to Egypt, Mexico, China, etc. On the way to NM he was aware that he hadn't seen his cousins in over a year. So with all seriousness he asked his mom, "What if we get there and they don't recognize us?" Followed by, "Do they speak New Mexico there?" He's been going through a phase where he will try to speak different languages- at least he says them to me!
• Emma, sitting on Grandma's lap during sacrament meeting, was paying with Grandma's earrings. Apparently that wasn't engaging enough as Emma started swinging the earrings back and forth, singing, "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells!"

• Ashley, upon seeing a spider near her bed, let out (seriously) a blood-curdling scream. We all thought she'd been seriously hurt. Nope. But the next time she saw a spider she grabbed a tissue and took the spider to the garbage. Way to go, Sashee!!!

• Emma came in from playing outside but upon reaching the table where the adults were sitting, she forgot who she was talking about. She kept looking back and forth between her mom and Aunt Bubs who finally suggested a name. I don't remember what the grievance was, but as she ran out the door to play, we heard her call out, "I told on you guys!"

• Another time she came in concerned with the "crack in her thumb." The fold we all get when we bend our thumb.
  

• Hearing Braedyn sing "I'm a Believer". Only 10 years old and can sing completely on key!
• Getting stuffed on Chinese food- my favorite foods are a toss-up between beef and broccoli and anything with shrimp.
  
• Jumping on the trampoline, as long as I'm not wearing a skirt- I can't resist!
• Laughing over Galaxy Quest and pondering "Lion, Witch and Wardrobe." I'd like to meet C.S. Lewis some day....
• Holding Lauren on my lap- she reminds me a lot of myself as I child. What I can remember anyways....

• Seeing Madeline so grown up and singing to High School Musical. Carter watched all the lyrics on the screen and tried to sing along- really cute!
• Riding in the van with my mom, sister and two kids. Trying to sing "The Cat Came Back," but we could never get past the chorus and one of the verses. Or maybe two...
• Playing "Blurt" where you have a definition and try to guess the matching/appropriate word. Turns out an island is nothing like a peninsula. Depot said that, "if we were playing synonym blurt, I would have won that round for sure!"
• Eating good homemade food- such as my brother-in-law's caramel ring, and Braedyn's double chocolate cookies.
  

New Mexico Trip

This was 2 year old Emma and Ashley's first chance to meet (and remember it!) They had the ultimate 2 year old playmate experience. Sometimes friends, sometimes not. But they were a lot of fun to watch as they played. Some kids use olives on the fingers- why not plastic beads?
Monkey see, Monkey do! After watching Emma count her beads and count to, "6" Ashley had to have 6 as well. "1-2-3-4-6"!!!

The kids who kept all of us laughing while in New Mexico. Emma, Ashley, Lauren, Carter and Madeline. (sans Braedyn)

What a great weekend!!!!!

The past weekend (OK, so it's about 6 days late......) was awesome!
Friday night I went out to dinner with the RS presidency, the food was great, the company was even better! I love serving with those girls and being able to make meaningful relationships with girls in the ward.
Then we had an RS sleepover. We had all the elements of a good sleepover- girl talk, junk food, games, etc. We had lots of laughs and I feel like there was a real spirit of friendship there-everyone included.

The next day I saw my twin nephews baptized. This was an especial experience for me because these are the boys that sustained brain injuries like me, (before they were adopted) and I have been tutoring them for the past year. So being aware of the challenges that they face, and have have faced, and seeing firsthand how much they have grown.... Well, I couldn't stop smiling.
I was also asked to say the opening prayer for the service which meant a lot to me.

Sunday I taught the RS lesson on self-reliance. I felt really good about it and I had a lot of support. I wanted it to be "outside of the box" and directed for the young adult group, so for example, Marchelle came and talked about her weight loss and how it's important to take care of herself, Amber talked about her container gardening work that she's done. And I talked to, of course. My "tip" was to make things easy to put away- so that they will get put away! And when your house is in order, life is so much easier to bear...

But a real highlight of Sunday was that Marchelle and I were like twins!!!! (This is a much better picture of her than the last one....) We both wore red dresses, and the same earrings! I couldn't resist documenting that moment.... Even if my eyes were closed for ALL 3 pictures we took! Typical......

That night there was a multi-stake fireside, the guest speaker was a man who had been baptized 6 years before all men could reiceve the priesthood and hearing from someone who actually experienced that was refreshing and really made me think.

Whew!!! This is long enough- but what a fun and memorable weekend I had!

Nerd People!!!

So now, not only am I a FUN-HATER.... According to the same student who so generously dubbed me, "rules are for NERD PEOPLE!!!! Oh, the memories!!!