Valentine's Day Forgiveness

Valentine's Day Forgiveness

For anyone out there who would benefit from hearing this message, as I feel prompted to share on this Valentine's Day..... I'll keep it brief and to the point.  

As some of you may or may not know (and sorry if you are wondering, "why didn't you tell me!"), the end of June, I was sexually assaulted by the man I was dating at the time.  The details of how/why, etc are not important, but the message is. i will also add that as bad as it was, it could have been much worse and for that I am very grateful.  

The experience was HELL.  Thankfully, I had support of people close to me and good mental health care.  I thought that I had let it go and move on but in recent weeks I realized that it hadn't happened as much I thought it had..... That I still had strong feelings towards him and that it was bothering me that I didn't KNOW about the consequences he had paid, if he was sorry, etc, and didn't know when the consequences would come.

In talking with a good friend one day, I was able to borrow a copy of "Let It Go," by Chris Williams whose wife, daughter and son were killed in a car accident February 2007. I read it through once, liked it, but didn't think much more of it for a few days. One night I woke up wide awake at 2am and decided to read the book again.  I discovered a new word while reading it that jumped out at me, "impunity" One of its meanings is "to be exempt from consequences" I realized that with the Atonement, I could be exempt from the consequences-the pain, hurt, etc. But only if I chose to!  However, to be exempt, the cost of the trial covered by the Atonement, what a blessing!

I learned something else as well, that a big part of why I had not been able to fully let go, forgive was that a part of me felt like if I did let go, it would be like saying, "Well, it wasn't that bad, and it didn't matter much anyway..." But it was bad and it did matter!  However, I came to learn that forgiveness was not at least for me just casually saying, "Oh, it's OK." or deliberately trying to forget it all and keep it erased,  But it's choosing to make yourself from any more pain. It's choosing to share your burden with the Savior and not letting the effects negatively impact your life further. To further this, not that I what I experienced was even a bit close to losing family members in an accident, but the father forgave.   He remarried and had more kids. But I believe that even though he forgave moved on, he didn't miss his family any less! He just chose, as we all can, to not burden ourselves with the pain further.  

And.... on this Valentine's Day while I have love for many, today I love my preschoolers who make me smile and laugh (and sometimes cry) on a daily basis.

I hope that someone can benefit from this message. If you know someone else who could use this you are welcome to share it with them!

Your comments are welcome. 

Heather