Hard Times and ImPerfection and Trust

This past week has been HARD. Not to mention emotional.......
You may already be aware of my looking for a roommmate (still looking, FYI) trying to clear my potential criminal background, etc then last week I was released from the RS presidency and called instead as the sacrament meeting chorister. I knew that a release was coming but I did not anticipate the chorister.

So, to sum it up I cried. At church on last Sunday (not yesterday). A lot. While I was leading the sacrament meeting singing. It wasn't one event just the breaking point for my emotional dam. Can I just that when you are crying that leading the music is NOT the place to be? Of course I think only a couple people were looking at me.....

That's the hard times, now for the imperfection. Going out on a limb here so bear with me..... Serving in this new calling is not easy for me- I am still trying to get my whole heart into it. I really miss working as part of a presidency- now basically going solo. I do enjoy music but I'm not necessarily passionate about it like many other members of my family. I don't aspire to improve my conducting skills- though I'm sure they could be improved.....

Yesterday was fast Sunday- I thought about gettign up but I felt somewhat guilty about getting up to bear my testimony and not having my complete heart in my calling. But then a dear sister got up and I don't even remember what she said, all I remember that she'd been having a hard time even in spite of the gospel and all that she had to be grateful for.

I have one thing to say about her message- liberating!!! Someone else had difficult feelings, it was comforting. Haven't you ever felt a thought like, "I thought I was the only who experienced/felt like that!" It was also a good reminder to me that I can be imperfect and yet be a fabulous individual!!!! Now, about trust? I had the distinct thought that much of the time, God isn't asking to take a life-changing step, he just asks us to Trust him. And I am grateful for opportunities that grow my trust.

I don't know all the reasons why God needs a music conductor, or especially why he needs me to do it, but I look forward to discovering why! Starting with a conducting session with my mom, who is a complete music professional. Yep, already got it scheduled.

To sum it up: It's Ok to cry, we all need each other, we all have hard times, we can be amazing people in spite of imperfections.