Valentine's Day Forgiveness

Valentine's Day Forgiveness

For anyone out there who would benefit from hearing this message, as I feel prompted to share on this Valentine's Day..... I'll keep it brief and to the point.  

As some of you may or may not know (and sorry if you are wondering, "why didn't you tell me!"), the end of June, I was sexually assaulted by the man I was dating at the time.  The details of how/why, etc are not important, but the message is. i will also add that as bad as it was, it could have been much worse and for that I am very grateful.  

The experience was HELL.  Thankfully, I had support of people close to me and good mental health care.  I thought that I had let it go and move on but in recent weeks I realized that it hadn't happened as much I thought it had..... That I still had strong feelings towards him and that it was bothering me that I didn't KNOW about the consequences he had paid, if he was sorry, etc, and didn't know when the consequences would come.

In talking with a good friend one day, I was able to borrow a copy of "Let It Go," by Chris Williams whose wife, daughter and son were killed in a car accident February 2007. I read it through once, liked it, but didn't think much more of it for a few days. One night I woke up wide awake at 2am and decided to read the book again.  I discovered a new word while reading it that jumped out at me, "impunity" One of its meanings is "to be exempt from consequences" I realized that with the Atonement, I could be exempt from the consequences-the pain, hurt, etc. But only if I chose to!  However, to be exempt, the cost of the trial covered by the Atonement, what a blessing!

I learned something else as well, that a big part of why I had not been able to fully let go, forgive was that a part of me felt like if I did let go, it would be like saying, "Well, it wasn't that bad, and it didn't matter much anyway..." But it was bad and it did matter!  However, I came to learn that forgiveness was not at least for me just casually saying, "Oh, it's OK." or deliberately trying to forget it all and keep it erased,  But it's choosing to make yourself from any more pain. It's choosing to share your burden with the Savior and not letting the effects negatively impact your life further. To further this, not that I what I experienced was even a bit close to losing family members in an accident, but the father forgave.   He remarried and had more kids. But I believe that even though he forgave moved on, he didn't miss his family any less! He just chose, as we all can, to not burden ourselves with the pain further.  

And.... on this Valentine's Day while I have love for many, today I love my preschoolers who make me smile and laugh (and sometimes cry) on a daily basis.

I hope that someone can benefit from this message. If you know someone else who could use this you are welcome to share it with them!

Your comments are welcome. 

Heather

Team Tuesday

Team Tuesday.... I am so glad and so grateful to have 3 great ladies working with me in my classroom! Everyone is needed. Wee celebrate on the easier days and support each other on the harder days. Today was one of the harder days in the afternoon-extra chatty, extra running, extra noise, etc. towards the end of the afternoon I. Was. Tired.  

I cut the large group activity short because my bag o' tricks was running low and we were going to head to the gym early.  However, when one of my students laid down directly in front of the door as if he was a sandbag or trying to protest and no intentions of moving...   I nearly lost my voice volume control. Thankfully we are a team & with 4 of us, another can step in when a breaking point is near! Not sure where the laying on the floor came from except what Stacie said, "just doing the opposite of what you want them to do!"

And I am a huge believer in small and numerous blessings in any situation! So I can be glad for missing last weeks csi:ny episode so I could watch it today. The banana pudding I forgot that I had in my pantry. A really good hair day. To name a few....

Magazine Monday

Magazine Monday was a good day. To back up, I spent most of Friday getting the new kitchen area in my classroom ready. I went to dollar tree and got various real, grown-up kitchen items such as measuring cups and spoons, spatulas, round cake pans, pizza pans, potato masher, funnels, etc. I brought in some cookbooks and old spice bottles from home. I was so excited for the kids to see it today-so happy and grateful about how it turned out. And they really did like it!

After work I went to M & D's house to drop off and pick up a few things. I had called earlier to make sure they were home. Got there, let myself I with my key and..... Nothing. I walked through the whole house, and couldn't see or hear them.  I checked the front yard and garage, I wasn't nervous as much as I was just confused! I did find them in the greenhouse, though.

I dropped off a check for the dry pack canning they did for me today but I got a lot in return!  2 cans of dried apples, and 2 each of retried beans & potato pearls (I don't love real mashed potatoes but I really love potato pearls!) I also got a stack of Mom's old magazines. (Hence the magazine monday title) Sunset, Better Homes and Gardens, ladies Home Journal, etc. really excited to explore those!

We also stopped by Deborah's to drop off her daypack canning. The kids were outside playing. Saige looked SO cute in her puffy pink & brown parka (that I would totally wear if it were in my size!), snow pants and pink hat with ear & chin flaps. Just her big blue eyes and rosy cheeks poking out.... Love her!

Then home to watch!biggest loser (I'm rooting for Danni) clean my kitchen and make my breakfast for tomorrow-an apple and peanut butter sandwich on whole wheat bread, cooked in my sandwich maker. Mmmmmm..... Good.

Sharing Time Sunday

Today was week 2 of sitting through all of sharing time with the sunbeams.  It was just two little girls today. They did well. One just sat on my co-teachers lap the whole time. The other admired my necklace and.... So there is a little plastic card on the teacher chair where we sit. It's attached with plast-a-tac. And this little girl, is kind of obsessed with it..... Fascinating with the sticky blue stuff, pulling it off & rubbing it around over and over. The childlike ability to find joy in the smallest things!

Then onto the lesson, about how Jesus is literally the Son of God. They loved the pics I held up, asked lots of questions, and wanted to hold onto the pictures for the rest of the lesson. Sweet to see them so excited and interested. Then post lesson we played with play-do. My co-teacher shared a story about her cat so they both wanted to make cats, or rather us to make cats for them!

Sunflower Saturday

Strawberry Saturday: got to begin this Saturday in one of my favorite ways-breakfast with cousin Marchelle!!! For her birthday on 2/4. Usually we go out for a birthday breakfast but this time I thought it would be fun to cook for her :) this was the menu: scrambled eggs with cream cheese, fried (in cooking spray) potatoes, peppers & mushrooms, fresh strawberries & canned peaches w/ cottage cheese. Mmmmm..... SO good! I may or may not have said more than once during breakfast, "wow, I DO make a good breakfast!"

And she was great to admire my latest craft project, listen to my work stories & admire the recent class pictures. Bless her :). We caught up on her work stories, about her husband and baby son, etc. it was great.  Then I sent her off to see my stylist, April. Well, ok, I didn't force her out the door. She had planned this ahead of time but April is great, I was super excited for her and my gift to her was to pay for her haircut so that she could enjoy it even more.

Got to go to my favorite store, Sunflower Market. Ok, now it's called Sprouts, but I think Sunflower just sounds better. And happier. Among my purchases were some items I haven't bought before-cauliflower and prunes. I don't know of many people who eat prunes but I like them, my Grandma Litster really liked them and they remind me of her :)

Then.... I decided to start on a new project... Cleaning, really cleaning 1 room in my house one of the 6 days a week. To make it easier, cleaner, and Saturdays even better. I put away clothes, wash dishes, etc daily but wanted to get a better handle on the scrubbing, etc not just tidying up. But first, I had to really clean all the house. So I did. Lots of rags, spray, wiping, elbow greasing. But it when it was done? I loved the result!